Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
