I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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