I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
