You work out of a Hotel?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
