There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
