All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.