dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.