So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
4 words: hood of his car
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
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You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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