I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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