He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
