I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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