When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
