I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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