So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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