Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
