I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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