Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize