it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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