i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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