Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
