That's intense
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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