Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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