I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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