Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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