whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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