Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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