it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
