Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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