3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.