I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story