you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.