we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.