hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher