I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
