I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
