I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize