i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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