he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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