You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.