You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."