im drinking this country out of the recession.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.