I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
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He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you never un-have a 4some