Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon