You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender