you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
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there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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