and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize