How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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