yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
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he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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