I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
