Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
