8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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