The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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