my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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