i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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