I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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