were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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