So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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