That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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