I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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