I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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