I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
